Mourdock’s God sounds like a pretty busy guy – kind of a micromanager – and about as nice as a hemorrhoidal cobra.
What else is in God’s planner?
6:00 am: Beat up old people.
10:00 am: Genocide update conference call.
Noon: Lunch with Hitler. I hope he brings Pol Pot, that guy cracks me up.
2:00 pm: Promotional tour for my book “Children with Cancer: All Part of My Plan.”
3:00 pm: Call mom. Tell her I never loved her.
4:00 pm: Sacrifice to myself.
5:00 pm: Taliban fundraiser. They’re having a hell of a time.
7:00 pm: Turn more people into salt. I’ve been a bit moody lately, and punishment by condiment always cheers me up.
9:00 pm: Late dinner at Jeffrey Dahmer’s – remember to bring the puppy pilaf and the baby livers he likes so much.
10:00 pm: Watch Fox News and go to bed.